With my heart shrunk by the news, between knowing and not knowing, between a half-told reality and a half-lived reality, I struggle once again on the shores of suffering. Suffering for love. Perhaps a love less known, less navigated. A love less applauded and sought after in our society, avid for the most exalted romances. When we speak of love, our mind seems to be directed towards the same type of expression: the idyllic and so longed-for love of a partner. But, who has the courage to speak of love for nature, love for the planet, love for every human being, love for every being, love for all life? Doesn’t considering one love greater than another make it anything but love?

My experience with love is still small, but this voice ignorant of its power has power of its own, beyond what it is capable of conveying. That is why it will not tell anything that is not known, nothing that no human being has not experienced. It is therefore not its intention to bring new knowledge, but its most sincere and genuine respect, admiration, recognition and love of life. This is the only thing that can hardly assure you that they soak up its words.

ACCEPTING EMOTIONS IN ORDER TO ACT

The first thing I think I have learned from living in deep pain about the state of the planet is that covering up feelings never works. Nobody likes rejection, including painful emotions. I tended to abandon them in a corner even though they were so loyal and obedient, as I myself was claiming their presence. They would come to my call from fear, believing that I would be tucked in when I was overwhelmed, I couldn’t handle so much frustration. To feel pain for the destruction of nature is nothing to be ashamed of. On the contrary, by embracing that feared emotion a beautiful duality emerged, it became the source of my strength. 

THE BOND WITH NATURE: THE ORIGIN OF THE STRENGTH

I have always experienced a strong bond with nature. I am not afraid of its disappearance, as it has been with me all my life. It has become a part of me, to be confused with myself. Whoever I am or I will be next to my connection to nature, passes into a wonderful insignificant background, as if the only thing truly real about me has always been that. While researching, I discovered that much of my suffering originated from feeling overwhelmed by my close connection to nature. How can I deserve such closeness to her, if I don’t know how to protect her? How can I claim to love nature if my own pain paralyses me and clouds my ability to act? 

But like all learning, judging the previous steps necessary to assimilate the lesson is both useless and absurd. I had to and must suffer in order to understand. To realise that all suffering brings with it a shining sun if we raise our eyes to look at the sky. Who is close to nature from the heart knows this, already knows its magic. And magic, like light, is never slow to appear. So, I witnessed an amazing evolution little by little: when before I was looking for motivation to balance my feelings and continue, now, acting flows from me with the greatest naturalness, as if it sprouts consciously from nature itself. I am part of nature, nature is part of me. 

IDENTIFYING ONESELF WITH NATURE IS COMPASSION

It is said that eyes that do not see, heart that does not feel. There are eyes that think they are looking but do not know how to see, and therefore do not feel. They are insensitive to the immeasurable value of nature. Value not only for the survival of the human beings and all forms of life, but that which is intrinsically contained in all its expression. 

I could say without exaggeration that I feel in my flesh the suffering of nature. When nature is mistreated I feel that a part of me is also mistreated. An essential part of me feels forgotten, not heard. The origin of my suffering is therefore not only the fear of failing to transmit my love for her, but also the witnessing of the damage done to that which I value with my whole being. Crying for her from outside and from within has also become my way of honouring her. In this way, compassion and empathy have become my great advisors. They help me to walk through the pain without succumbing and bring warmth to my actions. Through their ardor they are enlivened, kept alive. This is how I come to the certainty that nature is everything and everything is nature, everything then I do I dedicate it to her.

HONOURING NATURE FROM THE ACTIONS

To materialise my love for nature in action is the best way I have to show her what she means to me, to try to give back to her a tiny part of what she has been given to me. Transforming my feelings into something beneficial for the world will be my gift, my offering to life, my way of expressing gratitude to her for allowing me to live.

And from the heart I would like to look at nature and tell her that I will spread all that she teaches me, all that I have learned and continue to learn with her and through her. I will continue to transmit the beauty and immensity that she makes me feel. With my eyes bathed in tears I want to tell her, that I never forget her. That acting better or worse, as I am human and as a human I live, do not judge how far I have come. To let her remember that I dedicate each one of my steps to her. To you life although changed, always changing in your nature I address, dreaming that in a tomorrow worthy of you I will get to be. 

Through the words I have filled this little text, so big at your side, so small written, a little more deserving I feel of you.